Most of the time I ask myself this question: why is it that the future looks so bright but the present seems so gloomy? I’m I depressed? I realize that it is so easy to plan for the future- maybe because it is far. In my thoughts, I know what I will do next year, how r will pan out- how the plans will fall out and how the sums will ultimately add up.
All these beautiful thoughts illuminate my face with a spontaneous smile until one thought is introduced and the smiles turn into a diabolic grin that stands out to mock my stance. The thought is “Today”.
Whereas tomorrow looks so bright and promising, the thought of Today is a kill joy. An anti-climax. A trap. A scam. Most of the time, I don’t want to think about Today. It is boring. It is scary. Given a chance, I would rather skip Today and land directly into the bright tomorrow. But sadly, life hasn’t given me that option yet. Though I want it, I can’t get it because every day, life keeps on telling me that before I land on my tomorrow, I have to walk through my Today- and that’s when the bullet hits the head.
Today subjects me to the test of patience- the ultimate test of time. It looks at me and my hopeful ambitions for a better tomorrow and slyly smiles. It then reaches out to its pockets and fishes out a path I abhor. The path isn’t leading me to my future. No! if anything, its driving me away from it! This path is leading me on a slow and painful journey to death and damnation. I might not die physically as per say- but if my dreams die, I might as well have died.
NO VALUE FOR LIFE
There is nothing worse than a crushed spirit embedded in a living body. It is a humorless and lifeless life, devoid of charm and excitement. That is why I don’t want to set my foot down this road. But how many options do I have? This Today has maliciously conspired against me and given me a path I would rather not pursue! That’s why I don’t want it. It has nothing in relation to my future- my bright future.
“But what can you do?” Today asks, “man must live you know, I have just given you a means of life.” It says.
“Life?” I chuckle, “this isn’t life, Mr. Today, this is damnation.”
And like always, Today winks at me and gesticulates as if to say, “wherever!”
Look at it this way; I just came out of school- spending six years in Moi university for a four-year course was no joke- even the gods can attest to that. Ideally, life had to reward me for the patience. Prepare a high table for me, so that from school, I ought to have walked straight into the desirable future. But look at what Today has offered? (Sighs).
I came out of school a journalist of journalists. Well bred and perfectly baked for the future. Surely, even Kenya knows that it misses my skill. (smiles) All that was supposed to happen was for Today to cooperate. Surely, we have been together from the past and it knows the drill. But look at us now! Today has betrayed me. All the effort I put while in campus mocks me. Whatever I have to do in the name of life is an open mockery to what I wanted to do. Though I want to quit, I know I can’t quit because Today has said that man must live- quitting means death- physical death and staying means death- death of dreams. Caught between two deaths, I am spoilt of choice and so, I scream: This life is boring!
In my deeply irascible state, truth looks at me and says, “young man, you have to be patient with me. Patience is the true test of time that you have to endure and win.”
“Patience?” I swallow, irritably, “wasn’t I patient enough for all those years in campus? Don’t talk to me about patience. You have no idea.”
“Whatever you say,” it answers back, “just keep your hope alive. You will need it for your future.”
Soon the rhythm of life kicks in. whatever I have to do and whatever I dreamt to be doing at such a time are two worlds apart- like heaven and earth. The days are long with brooding and the nights are cold with tossing. The longing is for a big break that has seemingly refused to materialize. Now I have to do what I have to do in order to live- physically. I also have a second job- keeping the hope alive.
The words of Today are slowly tickling in. in the fullness of time, every dream is achievable- no matter how great it is. However, as you aim to get there, sometimes you got to do what you have to do in order to survive- to live. But as you do that, keep your hope alive for you need it as a currency to enter into your bright future. In the meantime, it goes without saying that whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your heart and as God establishes it, you will find fulfillment in it.
This is the mucky struggle in the streets of hope.